Saturday, January 10, 2009

早前﹐《泰晤士報》在副刊裡刊登了一篇劇作家JOHN CLEESE的訪問。他說﹐他花上了畢生時間去了解女人。不過﹐當他跟第三任妻子離婚後﹐他發現﹐做一個六十八歲的單身男人的確是一件賞心樂事。

假如他確實曾經花上畢生時間去了解女人﹐我明白何解他會發現﹐他樂于做一個單身男人。因為女人不是給男人研究的。跟男人這一種動物不一樣﹐女人是一種不可以給人了解的動物。跑去研究女人﹑跑去了解女人﹐就是自尋煩惱﹐怎能夠得到快樂﹖

當然﹐我不是在推廣獨身主義。因為我不是一個獨身主義者。假如獨身是一件合乎常理的事﹐那麼﹐這個世界就應該只得男人。又或者祇得女人。(明顯地﹐我也認為同性戀不是一件合乎常理的事情。同理。)

我不過是說﹐男人根本就不應該去研究女人。也不應該嘗試去了解女人。唯有這樣﹐大家才能夠在男女關係上得到快樂。這個男女關係倒是泛指所有男性動物跟女性動物的關係。像父女﹑母子﹑姊弟等等。

教我有這樣的想法﹐皆因我有一個女上司。

從前的經驗告訴我﹐一個過了四十的獨身女人﹐其心理總是有點問題。很多時候﹐那個心理問題甚至大得教人討厭﹐很難相處。不過﹐自碰上這一個上司後﹐我這個理論不攻自破。

她是一個過了四十依然樂于助人﹑依然跟人容易相處的獨身女人。

在香港生活的時候﹐我見過一個四十開外的獨身女人。她總是喜歡拿公司裡面那些年輕女生來折磨。又經常喜歡對其他男生拋媚眼。我在都柏林碰上的這個獨身上司﹐卻完全是另外一回事。她倒很願意提拔那些年輕女生﹐對其他男生也一視同仁。

我跟她也算很合拍罷。

因為我曉得不去研究﹐也不去嘗試了解一下她。因為我知道﹐女人是不能了解的。

早陣子﹐承建商遲遲未能遞上設計圖給我們審閱。直到開會前的兩個小時﹐我們才陸續收到他們用電郵傳送過來的資料。上司說﹕「一會兒開會的時候﹐我決定扮作什麼也未收到﹐繼續向他們發炮。」不過﹐到跟承建商開會的時候﹐人家還未提及那些設計圖﹐上司已經趕著提出她對那些圖則的意見。幸好﹐我早料到此。於是﹐立即把那些新鮮熱辣的圖則放上會議桌。也緊接著上司﹐開口講出我的想法。

這不是第一次。

在短篇故事集《戀愛習慣》裡頭﹐DORIS LESSING寫過這樣的一句﹕「Sometimes boys say a thing, and they don't mean it the way we think. They feel they have to say it. It's not they don't mean it, but they mean it different.」那是一個母親教導女兒的說話。

這確實是一個很透徹的見解。

9 comments:

readandeat said...

不論男女,其實大家都已經先入為主,認為過了某個年紀的單身人士真的有點問題。

到了一定年紀,人自然會對生活建立了一套準則,旁人不了解這套準則,有些人很執著,所以予人一種很難相處的感覺。

至於女人向男人抛媚眼,我覺得是性格問題。只要不向你抛就是了。哈﹗

May said...

des -- yr boss is a really talented and sensible lady~~~ lucky u!!

The Man Who Loves Everton said...

readandeat,

About marriage. You are correct. Unfortunately, one can't be single if one reaches the age of mid-thirties. But, am reading the new book of Julian Fellowes. Past Imperfect. (A good book, indeed.) There's a very interesting paragraph which I want to share,

I only married because I'd got to that age when it starts to feel old not to have married. I was thirty-six or -seven and curious eyebrows were beginning to be raised. Of course, I was a fool. If I'd waited another five years, my friends would have started to divorce and I wouldn't have been the only freak in the circus.

About the last thing you mentioned, I don't mind if she is gorgeous. Age shouldn't be a problem, should it?

The Man Who Loves Everton said...

may,

quite true. Luckily, I am having a good boss.

readandeat said...

Mid-thirties can't be single? You believe that?

The Man Who Loves Everton said...

Readandeat,

My answer to your question, I don't want to believe it.

Snowdrops said...

Haha, actually, my head of department only got married for the very first time when he was in his late 40's, and his wife, another well-respected academic, was also already in her 40's and it was also her first time to get married. (And they are still together - in fact, they just adopted a second baby).

My boss was very fond of turning the circumstance of his unusually late marriage into an anecdote. He says that, once you're past the age of 40 nobody expects you to get married and nobody would hassle you about it, as it's just not the done thing in polite society, so he was completely taken aback a mutual friend introduced him to his future wife, a respectable professional woman, by saying, "Hey, you are of similar age, you both have never been married, why don't you two get married?"!!! Little did they realise that they were such obedient sheep when it comes to heeding such marriage advice!

Snowdrops said...

Anyway, regarding your actual post about tricky bosses, my experience has been the complete opposite, as the worst bosses are actually the married women (present company excepted of course!), who somehow seemed to really have it in them against their single underlings!!!

This observation is only restricted to my workplace, of course, and is in no way reflective of all women everywhere.

The Man Who Loves Everton said...

snowdrop,

i like your story. i mean, the story of the head of your department.

and, okie having read what you've writen, i'd like to say, the married women in ireland is more troublesome in company. this is my observation. a rather narrow one. but do you agree?